Drinking the Poison

"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

Who hasn't heard this one?  And, while its true enough, I would venture to guess that many people hold on to anger way too long.  I, myself, ... work in progress.  I mean, just when I'm feeling all kinds of Zen with my life, along comes a person/situation that just blows up the peace.  This may be why I tend to spend a lot of time hanging out alone ... but, that is a whole other topic.  I mean, what is it about certain people or topics that causes me to mentally go from zero to sixty in a second?

I really, really try to respect others and their opinions.  I also really, really try not to force my own opinions onto others and I would dearly love to be treated in the same manner.  I have enough friends at this stage in life who I truly love and respect that it matters not one whit if they believe differently than I do about things.  And, if they feel the same way, we are good.  Don't get me wrong, we can have friendly discussions and even agree to disagree but, if you are going to blow a gasket because I won't change my mind ... well, you are crossing all sorts of boundaries.  Leave out polite discourse.  No one has a right to tell me what to think, believe or feel.  Nor do I want the responsibility of making those decisions for others.  If something I say or hear resonates that is great but, that is all that needs to happen.

So, the gist of this is that I don't get mad if you don't agree with me but, if you are going to get mad at me for disagreeing with you ... well, we are going to have a problem.  This brings me back around to anger.  I know well enough that people are going to push my boundaries in all kinds of ways.  They will push my buttons.  So, when they finally go all the way with angry outbursts, that's when I reach my limit and I get mad.  Well, this isn't the way I want to react and I think it is a perfectly useless response so, why do I do it?  Its knee jerk, its a gut reaction and I am trying so very hard to not feel that way.  I mean, I can remain outwardly calm but, my insides are experiencing anger at the highest level.  I hold it in, I fret, I think of all of the things I could have/should have said.  I dislike this about myself.  I dislike this 'for' myself.  I don't feel good about it.  So, I need to find a way to 'let it go' quickly ... or just not let it get there in the first place because anger is an insidious, destructive thing ... mainly for the person holding on to it.